Step Inside Eric's Head

I wrote the poem "Garbage?" a few days ago, or was it yesterday?  Anyway, after some interesting criticism, rewrote it a bit to become what you see here.  I like it better...but I'm just a tad biased, wouldn't you think? ;)  BTW, I think I am a hack...I write because I enjoy the process.  If you wish to impart your honest critique I will not crumble and wash away.  I want to become better, and don't mind your opinions on how I write or anything.  Just food for thought.

Violently, the wrapper is ripped away
No longer whole
Torn, stained;
Without a second look it is tossed away
Floating in the wind
Cold, alone;
To land unceremoniously on the ground
To be stepped on
Unseen, ignored;
Amidst a whirlwind of similar items
Looking inward
Ashamed, guilty;
When amidst the swirling chaos - a look
Curiously intrigued
Attentive, cautious
These two random pieces of refuse intertwine
Unexpectedly enjoyable
Hope, desire;
Though both were thrown away and trod upon
Now there's hope
Strength, purpose;
The whirlwind lifts them up and away
Over the world
Escape, elation;
Soaring high enough to become reborn
Transform each other
Brilliance, flash
Flying high on Angelic wings
In each others arms
Love, desire;
Now looking down at those below
Victorious at last
Forever, together.

October’s a little over half done, and I’ve been listening to CDs again on my long trips around Korea.  Here are my thoughts on some of the new ones out:

Rock / Pop Music:

The Killers - Sam's Town:  5 out of 10.  I can tell you that the first time I listened to this one, I hated it.  But, I gave it another chance.  The second time around, I enjoyed it much more.  I guess it's the tenor in the lead singer's voice that I don't like very much.  So, this is something good to listen to once in awhile, but I can't take the whole thing in one shot.  Overall, not nearly as good as their last effort.

Hinder - Extreme Behavior: 8 out of 10.  This is what rock music is all about.  Not only are their two songs currently playing on the radio, but there are a few more on the CD that are good as well.  These guys aren’t too hard, too soft, or too intelligent; but they can definitely throw some fun songs together and sing about things we can relate to.  I enjoyed the whole thing.

Jet - Shine On: 7 out of 10.  I swear I could hear influences from The Beetles, Led Zeppelin, Oasis, and other 60’s and 70’s type groups on this album; and you can hear the influences change from song to song.  Actually, some could easily be mistaken for cover songs from one or more of these pioneering groups.  But, no, it’s all Jet.  Instead of relying only on their homage to the masters, however, when Jet plays their own brand of rock, they are just as good.  It’s hard to explain, but if you wanted a history of British rock and roll from the 60’s and 70’s, along with a few great songs in the modern rock music genre, you can’t go wrong with this album. 

Weird Al Yankovic - Straight Outta Lynwood: 6 out of 10.  Okay, first of all I have to tell you that I own all of Weird Al’s music.  So, this rating is based on being a fan.  The songs “White and Nerdy” (a parody of Ridin’ Dirty) “but my rims never spin; to the contrary…you’ll find they’re quite stationary” And “Canadian Idiot” (a parody of American Idiot) “Well, maple syrup and snow’s what they export…they treat curling just like it’s a real sport” are really well done, and as always his polka renditions of modern rock and pop songs are brilliant.  However, the rest of the album is really only worth listening to once.  But, overall, it’s Weird Al doing what Weird Al does best.  If you are a fan, you’ve gotta get it.  If you are not a fan, get the single of “white and nerdy” and laugh until your spleen bursts.

Flogging Molly - Whiskey On A Sunday: 9 out of 10.  No, this isn't new material from Flogging Molly.  However, it presents fantastic renditions of their more popular songs.  The acoustic version of Laura and the energy released on the live version of What's Left of the Flag is worth the price of the CD alone, but wait...there's more.  The best part is the DVD that is packaged with it.  It travels with the band for six years.  Enough said; if you are a fan, you need to own this.

Evenescence - The Open Door: 5 out of 10.  As a comparison, I would give their first CD an 8.  It was something you could pop into the CD player and clean the whole house to off of the energy alone.  Now, with this CD, there are still the mushy and barely understood lyrics on top of a much less aggressive and less energetic performance.  There are still two or three songs that grab your attention, but that’s about it.  I listened to this one twice and still couldn’t tell you what any of the lyrics were talking about.  I mean, even that one they play on the radio now ‘Call Me When You’re Sober’ just kind of…sucks.  It’s the normal trend though.  Most artists start off really strong and just kind of fade over time.  Look at Pearl Jam.  Their new album is so bland I play it to put the neighbor kids to sleep.  And they are Korean.

Country Music:

Heartland - I Loved Her First: 7 out of 10.  If I gave half points, this one would be seven and a half.  Also, if I gave points for new groups, they would get a 10.  I don’t know where these boys came from, but they have hayseed somewhere in their dressing rooms.  That’s a good thing.  These guys sing about the country I came from; in all its countrified and barefoot poor glory.  Their lyrics are really very good, and I only have two minor complaints.  The first is the singing.  I don’t know if they need to be produced better or what, but sometimes things just don’t come out right.  The second is their music.  Don’t get me wrong, they have everything they need on this one CD to keep you dancing the entire time…it’s just that with that many members in the band, you would think all of the empty space would be filled with some kind of music.  A lot of times things just come off a bit ‘standard’.  But, I think they will only get better with time, and if they keep coming out with albums like this one, they will be around for a long time indeed.

First of all, I don’t believe in marriage.  Not the way you think of marriage anyway, not the modern meaning of the word.  What is marriage?  It is two people deciding to be together and performing a legal act that unites them.  This act is legal because there are many laws in place for the married couples that are not there for the single individual.  Tax breaks, certain mortgages, insurance rates, etc.  Okay, so here’s the problem; our society is fucked up.  Think about this.  We are taught from a very young age that marriage should be forever.  Then, depending on what religion you are and your parental background, divorce leads to varying degrees of damnation…and is always frowned upon at least.  Basically, we are brainwashed from birth that marriage is vitally important and everything must be done to make it work.  That, my friends, is absolute bullshit.  I’ll explain in a minute.  However, that’s the way it is, and I don’t think it will ever change.  So, we get married and we do everything we can to make the marriage last.  Our spouse cheats on us and generally treats us like shit, but it is our duty to make it work…no matter what.  Well, eventually, we just can’t take it any more and decide to move on – or worse yet, get unceremoniously dropped after years and years of faithful “service” to some asshole.  What happens?  We feel all of this guilt and remorse because we couldn’t make it work.  Fuck that.  We should take a baseball bat to our former spouses head and continue to swing until we feel better and then go out and celebrate our new freedom.  But, of course, we only do that in our imagination.  The law has things against the whole “swing away” deal.  In any case, this leads to divorce.  When it is all said and done, divorce is really very easy.  Why?  Because getting married is too easy as well.  So, in my opinion, the government has come up with a way to allow people who got married for the wrong reasons; maybe they were too young, or they were in lust and didn’t realize that there’s more to life than sex, or did if for convenience – when it becomes nothing but inconvenient later.  In any case, they got married in the modern sense without the knowledge that they needed in order to make such an important decision.  Here’s my take on it.  Teach young people what to look for in a partner.  Teach our youth, young adults, and even adults what a good marriage really consists of.  Things like selflessness, faithfulness, understanding, patience…just to name a few.  Teach them that if their partner turns out to be a piece of shit, that they should be able to move on without carrying around all of the guilt and pain that they do.  So, no – I don’t believe in marriage as it stands in today’s society.  Here’s what I believe in.  I believe that two people should decide to be together because they want to.  That they make unbreakable vows to each other, and live by those vows daily.  They need to be completely and utterly honest and open with each other.  They should go into it in the literal sense, not the modern sense.  There’s no word for that…because that’s not what marriage really is.  However, that’s what I believe in.  That this ‘no word’ ceremony is an unbreakable bond between two people who love each other and really are going into it for not only the right reasons, but going into it with ‘until death do us part’ etched into their minds as a reality, not a sick modern punch-line.  I know of couples who married for the right reasons, and then drifted apart and eventually divorced.  See, that’s bullshit too.  If two people joined together for the right reasons, they will always be able (as long as they don’t break the cardinal rules) to work their marriage back to where it once was, if they both decide to do it.  It’s just that we’re too lazy as a society to put that much work into something.  Either that or we’re too selfish or egotistical (or whatever shitty quality) to give ourselves over to one person.  That’s fine.  Just make sure that those types of people gain some kind of identifier on their social security cards, and are never allowed to marry.  Give them their own kind of tax break or something, but don’t allow them to ruin someone else’s life.  Damn it, we only have about seventy good years on this spinning rock each go-around, and we’re allowing a third of that time to be spent in our own personal hell? Is modern marriage a curse that we’re forced to go through because we were asses in our previous life?  Again, I think it’s important to teach people that the marriage is worth working.  Don’t drift apart…drift together.  Like a good bobsled team.  Seriously, though, I don’t see it ever becoming that way.  After all, if you made becoming divorced more difficult, you would only be trapping those individuals in a life of hell.  If you made becoming married more difficult, it would only teach people how to lie and cheat to get through whatever process was set up in order to become married anyway.  The only way this will change is if society changes…and it’s going to take some major shift from our current direction for that to happen.  However, it doesn’t stop me from trying to teach my children what to look for in a marriage.  It doesn’t stop me from talking about these difficult subjects in a frank and honest manner.  Look, I would rather have my son pissed off at me because I made him look past his dream-world into the real situation (this is all hypothetical) than get married for the wrong reason.  I can tell you that I tried everything I could think of to stay married.  But, if the other person refuses to be involved in the whole process, there’s nothing that can be done.  Did I divorce my wife because she cheated on me?  No, that really wasn’t the core issue.  The real problem became the fact that she didn’t want to work to get us to where we once were.  It was all me, I had to change; I had to continue turning myself into someone I wasn’t.  I lasted about two years, and then just couldn’t take it anymore.  I don’t regret my decision to get divorced because I really did try everything I could to make it work…but a marriage is more than one person.  I guess I needed to go through that, and the roller coasters that came after that in order to be where I am today; remarried in five days.  I’m so happy and excited I feel like a teenager again.  That’s why I say I’m planning to get married, because in today’s society we need that documentation to make it ‘legal’.  However, I am also going to go through that other process with Wendy too, the one I was talking about that has no name.  I could call it “Fachistfolo” which is kind of taking the words Faithful, Trust, Selfless, Forever, Honor, Love and Cherish and making a word out of it.  Yes, I am going to go through my own fachistfolo ceremony because that’s what really counts.  You can’t become divorced once you’ve gone through it as long as both partners stay true to their bonds.  What do you think of that?  I wish it’s something that we all had to go through…because this joining means it’s more than just us as an individual.  We’re becoming a group, an entity.  That group should be the most important thing in our life…because everything else can come and go, but that is one thing we should have to fall back on forever.  I’ll tell you this, though; I will not be silent when it comes to this topic and my family.  Too long have we just smiled and nodded at our children as they run off and marry people that we KNOW are bad for them.  It’s time for us to be adults, parents, and the mentors that we have to be, especially now in modern American society.  Let’s live by example and give our children something to look at and model their own life off of.  Who’s with me?

Violently, the wrapper is ripped away
No longer whole
Torn, stained;
Without a second look it is tossed away
Floating in the wind
Cold, alone;
To land unceremoniously on the ground
To be stepped on
Unseen, ignored;
Amidst a whirlwind of similar items
Looking inward
Ashamed, guilty;
Though thrown away and trod upon
Nothing is lost
Strength, purpose;
Two pieces of garbage intertwine
Fate intervenes
Hope, desire;
The whirlwind lifts them up and away
Over the world
Destiny, life;
Now looking down at those below
Victorious at last
Forever, together.

Who is the garbage?

I've done it.  I've made my last trip from Gwangju with a carload of stuff and hauled everything up the stairs to my new place.  It's about 500 kilometers round trip, but takes about three hours one way because it's mostly on a two lane interstate...Interstate 12 if you check a Korean map.  Anyway, it took four trips, and each one got easier to carry up the stairs.  I guess that's a good way to get used to something.  I could have had the military move my stuff for free...but I love to drive.  Any excuse to hit the road is a good one for me, but I'm glad this particular adventure is over.  I cleaned up my place in Gwangju, but no one was around to inspect it for me to turn in my key, so I guess that will be one more trip.  Also, we haven't received our new addresses yet, so that will probably be a cluster-goat too.  It doesn't really affect me one way or the other; I'm working day-on / day-off no matter what the rest of the battalion is doing.  I've been cleaning this place up too.  It's not that bad, but I always like to clean something myself before I feel comfortable.  Anyway, something strange happened to me the other day.  I was washing some dishes and I felt a presence.  You know what it feels like when someone's watching you, right?  Well, I felt that...plus an aura of some kind, almost a physical presence.  I spun around, but of course nothing was there.  I shrugged it off to 'new place jitters' and kept on cleaning.  The feeling didn't go away, and then I heard a ::crash:: and spun around again.  There was a tray laying about a foot from the entertainment center that I had it sitting on, and all the stuff on the tray spewed across the floor.  Now, I'm ashamed to say this...but I was terrified.  I mean, right down to the core.  Not the feeling I would have liked to have, but it's the first one that I did have.  I took a deep breath and then took another, and I felt stronger.  I took a few steps toward where I felt the presence and I...pushed.  I don't know if it meant anything or did anything, but I pushed with my energy just as I do when I pray and said, "I don't have anything you want, and you don't have anything I want."  Again, probably not what I'm supposed to say under such circumstances, but it seemed to work.  The presence...faded, I guess you'd say and everything went back to normal.  I would chuckle at it now, calling the whole thing foolish, if I hadn't felt a presence "pop in" for a few seconds and then leave three times since then.  Kind of like it's checking on me.  Then, tonight, on the way back from Gwangju, I felt something in the car with me for just a few seconds, but this one just felt...different.  I don't have the vocabulary to explain how I can tell, I just could tell the presences weren't the same.  I didn't do or say anything, I just looked at where I sensed it...and of course nothing was there.  I just ignored it and It went away soon enough.  Now, I do think that I have some gifts, but this is something that I haven't felt since I was a kid.  I don't know why it started again, but I'm just going to keep on keeping on.  Nothing feels malevolent or anything, it just feels like something is there.  Anyway, enough about that.  I signed for my furniture this morning at Camp Henry.  Camp Henry is close to Camp Walker, and both are about a twenty minute drive from here.  Anyway, they will deliver the furniture on Friday.  Once I have all of my physical property in the house, I will protect it.  No microwave, though, so I'll pick one of those up at the PX when I get a chance.  I'd get one here, but the PX here is tiny.  The PX at Camp Walker is the best one in the area...and my next day off is Thursday, so that's what I'll do then.  But, it's getting late, and I'm on in the morning.  Bright Blessings to you.

I am going to be married in a week, and I'm so excited. A few of my friends asked me why I was getting married so quickly after meeting Wendy. They tell me that people should live together for awhile, to make sure things “work out.” Well, I hate to break this to them, but if they need to live with someone to see if things work out, they probably won’t. I explained my relationship to them, and for the most part they seemed to understand, but some of the things just went over their head. Maybe I am a different man cut from a different mold…but I met a woman who’s the same. Anyway, I am writing this because I want the world to know how much I love Wendy. Also, I think it’s important to talk about these things out in the open. Marriage is a very important thing. Screw the legality of it; I’m speaking from a personal level. I am giving myself over to someone completely, to love forever, and to have as a partner for life. That’s not something that should be entered into lightly. I know this is kind of crappy coming from someone who has been divorced, but I believe if you are going to marry someone, it’s for life. I’ve amended that a bit now, and I think that if the other party betrays the sanctity of the marriage, then it should be okay for the honest and morally strong person to move on. But do we? No, we stay in a crappy marriage because we think we have to. Oh…I’m going off on a tangent. I’ll talk more about the generalities of marriage and divorce later, on another day. Let’s get into my personal experience with Wendy. Before I begin, I would like to specify that it’s really not my place to talk from her point of view, as that is an invasion into her privacy and makes me uncomfortable. However, I will briefly touch on some things because two sides are needed in this story. First of all, there is two-way open communication between us. Neither of us hides anything from the other, and we tell each other our fears, our hopes, and even things we might be better off not saying to each other about our doubts and concerns. However, it is the openness combined with the love we have for each other that allows us to talk about these things…and anything without fear of reprisal or outburst. This openness in communication was initially the most important part of the relationship for me, because I’ve been lied to and manipulated by those who couldn’t speak from their heart. No, they spoke from an angle or from behind a wall of falsehoods. Our open communication quickly lead to friendship. Not just friendship, actually I can say that Wendy is my best friend. I can be her best friend because I have never, nor will I ever intentionally hurt her. When I talk to her, I think about her first. I think about how she’s experiencing things and how she may see something. That’s empathy, and I have that in bucket-loads. I tell her everything, and she tells me everything too. We don’t keep secrets from each other. I trust her completely. If I didn’t, I couldn’t marry her. This trust combined with the communication is the foundation of our relationship, but it is really only just the beginning. Everything with Wendy is just so…easy, I guess the word is. We don’t have to ‘work at’ things. They just come to us. We don’t really argue. We discuss a topic until we can come to a middle ground that we are both happy with, though quite honestly neither one of us has had to give up much. Well, there is one topic that we have major differences about, but after all is said and done, I support her decision. I don’t like it, but I’m glad we talked about it. When I talk to her, I don’t have to worry about what I say. I don’t have to be on guard, I don’t have to worry about making sure I say this or that; I can be myself. It’s freedom, the very core of the word. I know Wendy feels the same way, because she comments on it from time to time. As for her, I love Wendy just as she is right now. She doesn’t have to change at all, and if she does change, I want her to change because she wants to…not because someone else wants her to. Then, of course, I know that she loves me. You see, I’ve approached my relationships the same in the past. I’m all in, all the way. I believe it’s important to be that way, but it also lead to me having my heart broken too. However, if you’re not willing to go all in, then what is your purpose? Are you looking for a fuck-buddie? Well, that’s fine then…just call it what it is though, that’s all I’m saying. Adults can do that kind of thing; it’s just not my kind of thing. In this relationship, I can feel my love returned to me. It’s like (stealing a line from American Pie) hitting a tennis ball against a wall. Sure, that can be fun…but it’s not the same as if someone hits the tennis ball back. I’ve never had anyone hit it back to me before this, and this is a “game” that I want to play forever. Trust me, I know if someone really loves me or not – because my body can tell the difference. Wendy loves me as much as I love her…actually, she always tells me that she loves me more, and how nice is that? Then, with all of this going for us, the physical part has to work too. I find Wendy extremely attractive, and she’s intelligent, funny…well, I could go on and on, but she lights my fire, I can tell you. Again, it’s not only going in one direction. Her passion for me is intense, I can feel it. I’m telling you, when I am holding her in my arms, my world is complete. Kisses like fire, and all of that. I don’t want to get too personal, but the physical part work really well and…I’ll just leave it at that. I know a good thing when I have it, and I am never going to give her up. I’m in my middle thirties now. I will be married to my Wendy in a week, and if everything goes really well, I’ll have thirty or forty years left with her before I pass on. Why wait another minute? I want to get on with the rest of my life. I don’t know what that will bring, but with a woman as wonderful as Wendy by my side, I really don’t care what comes. I’ll be ready. As you might have noticed, I haven’t talked about the children or the ex’s or our jobs or anything. That’s because through it all, we will be the solid core. We understand that our children will grow and move away, and even if we have more children…which is unlikely because I don’t want to share my Wendy anytime soon, and by the time we’re ready it may be too late. But, those children will someday move away too. Who’s left? We are. I see us sitting on the back porch, hand in hand, as we watch the sun set over the horizon after our grandchildren have teleported back home. (Yes…injected humor for fun) You see, we’ll be together. That is a future I am willing to do almost anything for. I want to protect and defend my woman from all those who would do her harm. There are people in this world that continually hurt her, and they are too selfish and blind to even see what they are doing. I will put a stop to that, and as her husband I will have that right. But, don’t think for a second that she’s weak and needs me to protect her. No, it’s just that some situations require a man’s ‘not so’ gentle touch…and I’m willing to go against my natural good natured self to do it. But, she makes me strong too, stronger than I could ever be alone. She affirms and bolsters me, just as I do to her. We build each other up, feed off of each other, and enjoy each other’s company. Simply, I know what I want. I know from my experiences what to look for and avoid, and with her I’ve never had a problem. I know that we are a perfect match for each other. In my heart, mind and soul I am already married to her. However, in today’s world that is not enough. In order to do the things that we want to do, we need that piece of legal documentation. So, I guess if it weren’t for that, I could just live with her forever. It isn’t the legal act of getting married that’s such a big deal anyway; it’s the complete giving of oneself to another that matters, and I’ve already done that. However, the legal marriage process is something we need to go through in order to prove to the world that we are together. No matter how we feel about it ourselves, and how much we love each other, the world isn’t made to respect that bond. The world is made to respect that piece of paper, so it’s what we are going to do. I always knew there was someone in the world for me. Until I met Wendy, though, I didn’t really believe it. I am a believer now. I want to start the next part of my life with the woman who has made me happier than anyone else ever has. I just wish I could be married to her and in her arms today. Why wait another second?

Hello my friends.  Today I am updating this from my new apartment (the landlord calls it a 'villa') in Weagwan near Camp Carroll.  The building is called Dahan Alles and I'm in 501...but it's on the fourth floor.  I stopped trying to figure it out, but there in no elevator, so it still sucks.  I'm moving myself, too, so about twelve trips with loaded arms equates to fatigue.  Yeah, fatigue...good word.  I slept in it for the first time on Friday the 13th of October.  I love this time of year, and I love Friday the 13th even better.  It's like a two for one sale, and everything's free!  Anyway, I'm still trying to figure out how everything in here works.  After all, all of the appliances, heating, air conditioning, etc. are in Korean.  I figured most of it out (about two and a half hours to decode the hot water since Koreans also heat their floor with it, and every room can be turned on and off...I just wanted a hot shower) and I had the landlord try to help me with the rest...but I'll continue to experiment until I have it down.  So, yes, I have to climb the four flights of stairs, but when I walk inside I almost feel like a human being again.  After being locked up in that breadbox on Gwangju, made to feel like a prisoner, this is much better.  I did get internet today, but don't have much time to use it.  I just got done with my stuff for today and it's late, I'm tired, but I had to get something down.  The ICC and my working mates arrived a few days ago and after a 12 hour convoy (DAMN!!!) got the equipment up and running in pretty good time.  The plans that I laid for where we're set up worked out better than the 'experts' wanted it to go.  Once things were set up, I headed off post to finish the paperwork on the first place that I wanted to live in, but it didn't work out.  That landlord wouldn't take a seven month contract.  There's a huge crunch on right now because of all of the people moving here, and all of those great places I looked at weeks ago are long gone.  So, of the six or so places I looked at, I picked this one.  No, it's not the newest, but it's the best of what was available.  I'm sure the landlord was having trouble renting it.  Who wants to climb that many stairs every day?  See, it's a good thing that the stair climber is how I get my workout in.  Fate at work again.  All of the gas stations in the area were closed today, so I was stuck here and decided to stock up on groceries and get some cleaning done.  I think I'm going to buy groceries by weight...but it doesn't matter because the bottled water (we were told NOT to drink the tap water) is heavy anyway.  I'm working day-on / day-off, and tomorrow I plan running to Gwangju (after going to Camp Walker for gas (20 minute drive)...Camp Carroll gas station is closed all weekend) to get a carload of stuff and drive back (It's about 3 hours in one direction on average from Gwangju to Waegwan) and then carry it all...up...the....stairs...and then unpack the best I can.  After that, I should only have one more trip.  I don't have any furniture yet, that won't happen until next week (hopefully).  So, I have a three bedroom, two bath place.  I like it.  It's HUGE for one person (The Koreans call it a 37 Peong..,it relates to size, but I don't know what it means, I'm used to 'square fee') and I already have plans to start running some gaming campaigns again.  It's about a twenty minute walk from post...I made sure that I lived close enough to work in case my Krinkin' (my car) breaks.  But, she's been carrying me and my crap all over the country the last few days and that's great.  I picked up a few more CDs that I'll talk about soon, and I spend a lot of time crying as I drive back and forth...but don't take that wrong, these are tears of joy mixed with being lovesick.  Some of my music makes me think of my Baby, and I play it because I like it.  Anyway, I have a lot of good feelings about this move, and I would be in Seventh Heaven if I didn't miss Wendy so much.  But, that's what I do.  I've been thinking about my relationship and  I think I'll write a journal entry on it soon...when I can sort it out in my head better.  I mean, I've been in relationships before, but this one is different.  Anyway, I'm bushed, and I'll catch up on your pages soon.  Thanks for having patience with me!

I don't care what those new age people say, I think Columbus invokes a feeling of discovery and voyaging into the unknown. Literally. Who cares if he wasn't the first? Who cares if there were already people there? Who cares if he didn't hit the mainland until later? So what if he couldn't find a shortcut to the orient because of this big land mass in the way? His adventuring spirit is important; as any student of the Celtic society would understand. But, I like the day, and the four day weekend that came with it. I looked at the full moon on Friday, and resisted the urge to shake my ass at it. She doesn't bother me at all anymore. I can feel her, but not in any kind of real way. No depression or strange thoughts, though my dreams continue to be unusual, fun, and very real. It's weird, but I rarely dream of people that I know...which causes me major WTF moments from time to time. Anyway, the first two days of the weekend were homework-homework-homework. I finished approximately eight weeks of school work in two days, including a research paper and a mid-term. I haven't checked my grades yet, but I feel pretty confident I did well. On Saturday night I finished the main campaign for Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. I'm also the leader of the Fighters and Mages Guilds and the Grand Champion at the Arena. Yeah...about two hundred hours of my life have gone into that game, and I enjoyed almost every minute. Slept in, and on Sunday I was invited to play Magic The Gathering with "the guys". It was fun, though they all had really powerful decks because they didn't stick to Blocks. I still won a few, especially with my "Ying-Yang" black and white deck based on the Coldsnap Block. I'm sorry if I lost you there, but I'm glad to be playing games again. It looks like I might be starting up Dungeons and Dragons again, but that will be in a month at the very least. Today I packed up some of my stuff and loaded up my car. Yes, I'm going to be moving. I'm sure there will be wireless internet around, but I don't know if I'll have much time to use it. First, I'll be working day-on / day-off for the foreseeable future, and on my days off I have to find an apartment off post (In Korea, mind you...not exactly like getting one in the United States) and move all of my stuff from here in Gwangju to my new apartment in Weagwan, the city that Camp Walker is in (It's near Daegeu). It's about two and a half hours driving time in one direction. I plan on being moved, having internet and cable, and a furnished and set up apartment by the 20th of this month. I'll try to keep you updated, but what I'm really saying is that I won't have that much time to do anything for awhile. I hope I can keep my workout routine up to standard while all of this is going on. I'm finally back to being able to work out without being sore. It's that nice burn now...I like it. My spirits are high, my faith is strong, and the love I have for Wendy continues to lighten my steps and fuel my fire. I'm going to marry that wonderful woman, and no matter what happens around us, I plan on loving her forever. Even past this life and into the next if I can swing it. Go with the Gods my friends, and I hope your days find you with a smile.

Tires talk to me in whispering voices;
Try as I might, I cannot distinguish their words.
Perhaps they are telling me how lucky I am,
How the Gods are fickle, but have sent a reprieve.
A truce in the lifelong battle of tests and tribulations.
Perhaps, but it matters not.  I wouldn’t believe that.
The dotted white lines streak past my window.
Flash.  Flash.  Flash.  Flash.
Their size and shape remind me of a scarf.
Much like the white scarf my Lady, in her regal glory,
Has tied to my armored arm.  I am her man.
In this life and the next.  Count on it.
Yellow is the border.
Danger.
Danger is always on both sides; mostly.
It wants to confine.
What happens when we stray from the norm?
Nudge outside the yellow line and journey?
Columbus did it.  He did okay.  He has his own day.
Danger.
Those who want to point and smirk; picking at me.
They, like the yellow, are always looking in.
Cannot they find joy in themselves?
Leave me be.  You push me to the dirt road.
Where you cannot touch me.  I escape.
Pavement is black.  Black as the night.
Black is the distance between.
Black rolls behind me, black is ahead.
A simple reminder that tests have been completed,
And tests are yet to begin.
So be it.  I am ready.
Your black only moves me from here to there.
Like the tests have.  I thank you.
Blue and white are far above.
Gods, Spirits, Guides, Ancestors, Angels…
Seemingly as busy as those clouds on high.
I cannot see Them, but I know They are there.
They know I am here.
Celebrate; cloudless day or rainy night.
Those whom are above me watch.  They Nudge.
I do hear You, though You must remember,
You have given me choice.
That must mean You want me to choose.
Be disappointed or be happy; the choice is still mine.
Green all around; sometimes brown.
Green is the shawl that She wears.
Beautiful.  Sacred.  Diminishing.
A part of my soul cries out to that green,
And I really do not know why.
Brown is the mountain or patches of earth.
Mountains are not obstacles, they are gifts.
Enjoy the cool air and breeze,
The feeling of accomplishment from the climb.
Stand at the very top to talk to Them.
Feel the power.  Their power.
Patches of brown earth come in many kinds;
Kneel and run it through your hands.
The healthy brown soil of freshly tilled ground,
Moist and fragrant; promising life.
As opposed to the dead brown of desert sand.
Dry and fine; ancient mountains ground to dust.
Feel the power.  Their power.
And me?
I am no one.  No one special.
I hurtle through the void.
Like you, a traveler.
Destination?
We’ll see, but that doesn’t matter.
I don’t really care.  Death greets us all.
My time here will be done; this time around, anyway.
Don’t tell me where I’m going,
I don’t want to know.
Let me enjoy the ride.
There are so many highlights on the reel:
The blissful days of youth,
Hours spent in the woods, just nature and me.
Feeling the Earth’s place in the universe.
The face of my children.  Smiling.
Holding a loved one’s hand.
Kissing.
A good day on the job,
A better night in my lover’s arms.
Tears of joy and laughter equate to existence itself.
But life does not come in only happy flavors.
So, often my stomach knots,
And occasionally my muscles and mind aches,
Hairs of gray are appearing too soon,
Bitter tears sometimes streak my continually aging face,
And the baggage always bounces around.
Needing to be opened.  And looked at.
Then put away for safe keeping and rearranged.
Such is the journey.
A few times on the ride I thought I had found it.
That I was at the end, that I had won.
That all of the previous pain and suffering were for naught.
None of it mattered because I had found “this”.
And then when the veil lifted
To be followed by the hammer,
The pain only hurt that much more.
Fate?
You’re damned right, Fate.
But through it all I would not change a thing.
It has brought me here.
Here is right where I need to be…
Here is right where I want to be.
I am no longer concerned about winning.
There is no winning.
There is only being happy, and healthy, and loved.
And the pursuit of such things;
Which is the journey in itself.
So there is always the traveling.
And I continue to watch the black pavement
Pass quickly under my whispering wheels.
I still keep it between those damned yellow lines,
As the white lines guide me and keep me straight,
And the sky passes above and the land moves beside.
But I will not stay on the blacktop for long;
Dirt roads have no such boundaries,
And I tire of traveling alone.
But I so enjoy the ride.

I'm on shift today, and am home for dinner.  Things are going slow today, again training up the crew that I will be working with.  They are coming along fine and I think they'll kick ass on their evaluation next Tuesday.  In my down-time I read a bunch, trying to catch up in the homework.  Doing the assignments is really easy, actually reading everything is much more difficult.  But it's something I have to do since the final exams are proxied and closed book.  But, that's in about four weeks...I have plenty of time.  Things are going well, and I'm actually able to return from the gym and not be in pain for two days.  I'm still not where I was, but I can see it from here.  I just hope I don't get in the situation where there is no gym facilities for three months again.  But, work and catching up on homework are my main focuses right now...though I did find time to write a poem, and I'll post that separately.  I think they are kind of junk, but they feel good when I write them...and I guess that's why I do it.  Take care, and I hope things are well in your world.

Jera
Sow

Today is my '8-hour day' in which I perform a regular day's work.  Which consisted of helping train up the new crew, so it was a short day for me.  I knocked out a bunch of homework and I'm almost caught up.  After the four-day weekend I'll be caught up and hopefully a week or two ahead.  Still busy as hell, just trying to keep current.

Eihwaz
Salmon

Yeah, I know it's October, but here are some CD's that I've picked up and listened to, and I decided to write a quick blurb on how well I liked them.  Again, I like all kinds of music, but I only buy Rock and Country.  After all, I'm on a budget.

Rock Music:

Audioslave (Revelations): 6 out of 10.  This would have rated higher if there were a few songs that stood out.  However, every song is "good".  I do get the feeling that Audioslave can pound out music like this in their sleep...and if it weren't for their above average musical ability, that's how it would sound too.

Crossfade (Falling Away): 6 out of 10.  Nothing jumps out at me on this album, but there really isn't any songs that suck either.  A good album, the band enjoys playing their instruments and have a good time.

Deadsy (Phantasmagore): 4 out of 10.  These guys are punk-like, but don't show me anything that I haven't seen before.  Their cover of 'Paint It Black' is probably the best thing on the album.  It's almost like they want to be "bad"...but don't know how.

Hatebreed (Supremacy): 5 out of 10.  I've heard this before, they are called Pantera.  Unlike Pantera, though, Hatebreed really doesn't change up their musical onslaught and become tedious after awhile.  Their saving grace is that their songs, while played loud and fast, are really quite uplifting and self affirming.  Always good themes, but rare in this genre...especially with the name of the group.

Hoobastank (Every Man For Himself): 8 out of 10.  Crappy band name, awesome album.  You might have heard If I Were You on the radio, and that song doesn't do any of their other songs justice.  Hoobastank is harder, edgier, and generally better than that single.  The songs Born to Lead and Don't Tell Me jump out and grab me, but the entire album is really quite good.  Get over their name and if you like rock music, pick this one up.

New Found Glory (Coming Home): 7 out of 10.  Whoever writes most of the songs for NFG must be in love, because that was the main theme of the album.  That's not a bad thing, either.  Sometimes is nice to hear a rock album where relationships work out.  Anyway, nothing on this album jumped out, but the whole thing is quite good.  Uplifting and enjoyable, it was well worth the price.

Panic! At The Disco (A Fever You Can't Sweat Out): 6 out of 10.  This band has to have the craziest song names in awhile.  For example, two of the songs are titled, There's A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet and Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off.  Besides the weird song names, I kind of enjoyed the splicing in of disco-style beats with rock music in several of the songs.  None of that is displayed in the one playing on the radio right now, and in case you didn't know, that song is titled I Write Sins Not Tragedies.  In any case, I hope these guys can keep the theme going, and I will check them out in the future.  They just aren't quite there yet, but if you want something a little different, check this out.

Stone Sour (Come What(ever) May): 5 out of 10.  They rock pretty hard, but don't have too much to give me.  While I enjoyed their music and their lyrics, the themes and ideas have been out there for a long, long time.  I can't tell if these guys know where they are going yet, but if they have some experiences on the road, I think they have enough talent to really make something of their ability.  Enjoyable, but nothing worth noting.

Country Music:

Alan Jackson (Like Red On A Rose): 6 out of 10.  If you are looking for a toe tapping, quick dancing song...look somewhere else.  If you're sitting around with some bourbon and time to kill (much like Alan is on the cover) then this is right up your alley.  Of course the title song is excellent, but most of the other songs blend together.  The power of Like Red On A Rose and Had It Not Been You and Don't Ask Why make this one worth the price.  It's easy to tell Alan is still very much in love with his woman, and uses that to inspire this album.

Broken Bridges (Soundtrack): 3 out of 10.  Wow...what a waste.  The song Thinkin' 'Bout You is really the only one on here that I haven't heard before and that doesn't just suck...and it's almost ten years old.  Many of the songs are trying to be fun and danceable...but they just don't work.  At least, not if you listen to them. Like Big Bull Rider and Zig Zag Stop.  For Pete's sake, these songs have been done before, and done better.    There are so many good country songs out there right now, steer clear of this and buy the singles.  I really like Toby Keith, but he's laid an egg here.

Pat Green (Cannonball): 7 out of 10.  I love Pat's voice.  He's always been top of the line, and he continues the tradition here.  He mixes things up well, and is one of my favorite storytellers in the business.  You've heard Feels Just Like It Should on the raido, and I think there will be a few more on this album that make the raidowaves. 

Rodney Atkins (If You're Going Through Hell): 4 out of 10.  So, there's the title track, which is pretty good and catchy.  And then... well, that's about it.  Cleaning This Gun is a fun and enjoyable story, but so many of the other songs are just so bad that two good ones can't pull this one up higher.  Maybe it's because I've heard them before sung by other people who could write better. 

The Wreckers (Stand Still - Look Pretty): 7 out of 10.  I really didn't want to like this one, but it's hard not too.  Just don't listen to if if you're depressed, because every one of these songs are about loss or losing.  But, the tear-jerker Leave The Pieces that you heard on the radio is just one of many good songs here.  Who knows, maybe these women will stay together and keep us crying for years.  I hope so.

And that's it.  I don't know if I'll continue to do this, but I probably will.  Hell, I might start the same kind of thing for the movies that I watch.  Entertainment is where I'm at, and I like most of it.

Okay, last week was super busy.  Evaluations in Gunsan, business trips to Osan, and a medial appointment in Seoul.  Add a re-certification in which I qualified in order to place me in the first ICC crew in Gwangju and that about rounds out the week very briefly.  I spent a lot of time on the road, and have listened to a lot of CDs, and will post what I think of them after this post.  I'm on my day off after pulling my first ICC shift of my second tour.  We're all packing up and getting ready to move to Camp Carroll, and that will happen pretty soon.  Koreans are going through their Chusok holiday now, which is where they all are supposed to go to their ancestral home, so for a week it is impossible to get anywhere on the roads as they migrate.  I'm still going strong in my college classes and it looks like sure A's in both of them, at least as far as the first half looks.  Things happening at home keep me busy, but it's really difficult trying to fix problems from here.  But, together is the key, and that's all good.  As far as ADF, I've started implementing 'Druid Cards' in along with my regular runes.  Again, they are very accurate.  Due to a recent incident, I decided to draw a three card to answer a question, and my question was answered indeed.  I have shift again on Thursday, and then I'll get ahead during the four day weekend on my college classes so I can get ready to sign up for the next semester.  I apologize for not catching up on your LJ's, but I've gotta do that music post and run.  I'll catch up soon though, really!  BB.

Ansuz (Reversed), Perthro
Frog (Reversed), Dog, Fire Dragon (Reversed)

You've heard the song "Like Red on a Rose"
about how life ebbs and flows,
and how love is a many fingered thing
that grasps and circles and sets hearts on wing.
But have you heard the song of my soul
that has unwritten lyrics which cannot be told?
It is because mere words can not come close
to expressing the depth...it would become verbose,
and even if they could be captured and seem sound
finding a voice to sing the words would confound
any mere mortal here on Earth.
Maybe angelic fairies could give the lyrics worth,
but what instruments could play the song?
Even a classical orchestra would get it all wrong.
And so in frustration I end up where I began,
possessing a soul filled with love and a too full pen.
Maybe if I could bring Shakespeare back to life
he could pat me on the shoulder and chuckle at my strife,
asking me questions to better understand
the intense feelings between a woman and a man.
But, no, he wouldn't be able to write anything down,
as there is no incest or betrayal or mad kings around.
Maybe if I could bring Mozart to my room
and explain the situation using the sun and the moon,
telling him about the woman I would give anything for
so he could comprehend and maybe write the score.
But no, he too would rub his balding head and frown
he would tell me such things are not earthly bound.
And so I sit here once again,
soul overflowing along with my pen.
I grit my teeth and clench my fists,
why does it have to be like this?
Why do I not have the skill to say these things;
my heart on fire, but yet on wings,
my soul aches, but is filled as well,
my spirit soars...am I under a spell?
And so it seems that it will not be done,
the song of my soul will never be sung.
No lips will ever part filled with the words,
while music and song combine and are heard.
So I may not be able to express
the song of my soul destined to impress.
But trust me when I say, even if it seems absurd,
I can hear the music...I can hear the words.
I can feel the song like a living brilliant thing,
so fantastic and beautiful it makes my ears ring.
It makes me better than I usually am,
parts the murky darkness and completes me as a man.
The music is so powerful it drowns out so much,
like those mumblings from others which once packed a punch.
Best yet it fills my chest and makes me whole,
and while you might not hear it, it's the song of my soul.

Somebody stop throwing coal in this damn thing and slow it down for a second.  Damn.  It's been awhile, so I'll give you the basics of what's been going on.  Well, after spending two weeks working nights, I'm finding it a shock to the system to be working days again.  Of all the evaluations we did, the units really did not do very well.  One actually did fairly badly, which is never a good thing.  Here in Gwangju, they reopened the gym after a two month renovation...plus the month I was on leave equates to three months without muscular strength and endurance exercises.  Yeah, I feel it.  But, I'm glad to be doing it again.  I'm sore, but I feel better at the same time.  We're getting ready to move to Camp Carroll and I'll be on and off for the next few weeks or even a month as that process happens.  I'll be moving out of the barracks and I'll actually be living in a real apartment.  Like where real people live.  It's going to be awesome.  But, I don't know how long I'll be without internet, though there are wi-fi spots around so I should be okay for the email check and livejournal update.  I just found out today that there is only going to be two crews certified for the near future which means that I will be working day on / day off for a long time, probably starting in about two weeks.  Let's see... oh yeah, I registered both my motorcycle and my car as they were about to expire.  So, while I should have been sleeping during the day from the evaluations all night, I was running around Gunsan getting that done.  It took me all five days.  I did the whole thing without a Korean translator friend...which became a problem at the county courthouse where motorcycle's are registered because they didn't speak any English.  But, with pantomime, a translation dictionary, and good use of pictionary, we got it done.  I'm in the midterm portion of my college classes.  My Strategic Management class is going along quite smoothly, but I just received my books for the Leadership and Motivation class (some kind of mail mixup) and since it's a mini-mester that means I have literally eight weeks of work to get done this week.  Then, just for fun, I have been tasked to evaluate more units starting tomorrow, but will be evaluated myself on a completely different task early next week...and will have no training time before the test.  Well, I figure they'll give me the time to train after we fail.  But, it's actually not as busy as it seems, and it's not like I'm complaining.  I like to work.  It may be a horrible thing to say, but when I'm busy I'm not pining away the hours missing my Wendy and my kids and all of that stuff.  There is another side to love that I really never experienced until recently.  There's almost a physical pain at being separated...and though I've been doing this Army thing for a long time, I've never felt anything like it before.  I don't like it.  But, I'll do what I have to do so I can return home to her and move on with my life.  I mean, I decided to stay here another year before I met her because I needed to pay my debt down, and I make more money here than in the States.  But, if I would have met her first, I would have been home for months now...but I can't beat myself up.  I made the decision with the facts that I had at the time.  It doesn't help me not missing the hell out of her though. 

Then I read something in my Leadership class that kind of struck a note with me.  You know how you are, just as I know how I am.  No matter what we portray to the world.  I am selfless and such, and am not materialistic in nature.  I do things for myself and for those I love, but I've never been one to keep up with the Jones'.  But, some people do, and this is what one of my books says about it: "If our definition or concept of ourselves comes from what others think of us we will gear our lives to their wants and to their expectations; and the more we live to meet the expectations of others, the more weak, shallow, and insecure we become."  I found that interesting, but then came a nugget that seemed inspired.  I had thought about it for years, but could never put it into words quite like this, "The ethical person looks at every economic transaction as a test of his or her moral stewardship.  That's why humility is the mother of all other virtues - because it promotes stewardship.  Then everything else that is good will work through you.  But if you get into pride then you must rely totally upon your own strengths.  You're not in touch with the power of the larger ethos that unleashes energy through your work.  Aspiring people seek their own glory and are deeply concerned with their own agenda.  They may even regard their own spouse or children as possessions and try to wrest them from the kind of behavior that will win them more popularity and esteem in the eyes of others.  Such possessive love is destructive.  Instead of being agents or stewards they interpret everything in the terms of "what it will do for me."  Everybody then becomes either a competitor or conspirator.  Their relationships, even intimate ones, tend to be competitive rather than cooperative.  They use various methods of manipulation-threats, fear, bribery, pressure, deceit, and charm to achieve their ends."  Brilliant.  And I didn't think I would find anything interesting or new in my Leadership class.  Anyway, that's a snapshot of what's going on.  Oh, and if I remember, I'm going to start keeping track of my daily prayer rune.  I have been drawing one a prayer for months after I ask the Gods if they like the sacrifice and prayer.  If it was positive, I moved on.  If it was markstave I drew one more and then moved on.  But, about a month ago I started looking at the rune and realized that it usually related to what happened to me or to people I know.  So, if I can remember, I'm going to list them here to see if they continue to relate.  I'm not going to describe how they relate, that's a little too personal ;)  Anyway, if you made it this far, thanks for hanging with my rambling and Blessed Be.

Odhila - Inheritance

Sorry everyone...working nights, evaluations, long and crazy hours.  I'll update a bit whenever things settle down.  A week or so. 

I've been busy, working nights for the most part over the course of the last few days, and haven't had a chance to update this.  I'll be doing the same thing tomorrow, and then next week I go through it again.  Just when I'm done working nights, I'll be training for my evaluation at the end of the month, so I'll probably be sporadic at best in my updates.  Such is life.  I just finished watching The Count of Monte Cristo again.  A classic book which is also a really good movie.  One of the main themes in the movie is revenge.  It caused me to think about how certain people go about things in different ways.  For example, forgiveness.  It would be unfathomable for anyone to expect Edmond Dantes to forgive his old friend, the one who had betrayed him, took his woman and caused him to spend countless years in a prison hell.  However, Edmond did forgive him.  Remember, at the end, even when his woman had just been shot...Edmond allowed him to leave.  Then, his old friend attacked again anyway.  That's the way life works.  If someone has harmed, betrayed, or manipulated you in the past...they are going to do it again.  It's okay to forgive them, but you must never allow yourself to ever be put in a position for them to hurt you again.  Why?  Because no matter how flowery their words are or how sad or repentant they may appear...they will hurt you again.  This is something proven again and again and again through the course of history.  So, who is the childish one?  The one that refuses to be hurt again, or the one trying to worm their way back into your life...  Yeah, that's what I think too.  Personally, I have one of the largest hearts of anyone I know.  I have always done things in the best way I could at the time and have never, ever hurt anyone...even if they deserved it.  However, this kindness comes with an edge.  If you hurt me or mine, don't expect to ever be allowed back in.  And when I say never, I mean never.  I am a firm believer that life is too short to hate anyone.  It's something my father instilled in me, and it's something that I have followed from the first time I heard it.  However, life is also too short to allow someone to manipulate and hurt you.  If the choice comes between pushing someone away and keeping them at arm's length forever, or allowing them the opportunity to hurt you again...the choice becomes obvious.  Just like Edmond, the Count of Monte Cristo.  He tried to push his old friend away...but that evil man wanted nothing to do with it and forced his way back in; on horseback with sword in hand.  His fate became the Karma Bus in sweet motion.  Life is not easy, and though there are countless books written about all sorts of things, only you know how you want to live your life.  Only you know what is real...and what is the fabricated "life" you may find yourself in.  When I pass on to my next existence, the Gods will let me know how I did in this life.  I can tell you a few things for sure.  I am not ashamed of anything that I've ever done.  I stand by the decisions that I have made.  If you have hurt me or mine, you will never be allowed back in...yet I do forgive you.  I'm a simple man.  Those whom I love and who love me are all that matter.  Life is complicated enough, and sometimes it's better to cut away the dead weight so that you don't have to carry it around all of the time.  Things are so clear for me now, especially since I have someone whom I love so very, very much.  All of those other things seem to be just background noise against our love.  Whenever I think of her, I just smile.  Life may be full of ups and downs...but I like the roller coaster.  Just like Grandma from that old 1989 Steve Martin movie called Parenthood.  Anyway, with Wendy by my side, it matters even less if the roller coaster is moving up or down...I am just hanging on to her and enjoying the ride.  That's what she does for me, and her strength grants me strength.  All I've wanted is a partnership, and now that I've found it all I want is everything I already have.  Life is good...no matter what steamed crap flies at me in the workplace or who tries to inject their darkness into my life.  After all, I've learned how to handle both...and can still sleep quite well at night.  Life is good.

I know it seems strange, but a few of the leaves are starting to change colors in the bountiful trees here.  It brought to mind that the seasons are beginning to change again.  The extreme humidity and heat have broke, and through the days are in the 80's, they are absolutely beautiful.  Absolutely perfect.  I moved my meeting outside today, and we sat in the sun...and I absorbed the sun like a sponge.  Wonder of wonders...being able to enjoy the sun without the "I've been swimming" sweating effect it usually gives me.  The Summer is nice, and I've taken most of my holiday's during this time, and I've never really had many problems...but the Summer just doesn't do it for me.  My favorite time of the year runs from approximately when football season starts to Thanksgiving.  Then I could go on and on about the horror stories that the Winter months (end of November to February) have brought me time and again.  Yes, it's made me bit of a "bah-humbug" kind of person during that time of the year, but it really just has to do with my personal experiences.  But Winter comes later, and I'll deal with it then.  As for the other season, I love the Springtime thaw almost as much, especially after the brutal winters in Wisconsin and here in South Korea, but I have a fascination with new beginnings...so I guess that's normal too.  Actually, I don't really despise any season...I have a lot of fun in all of them, but it's the Fall, the cooling after the scorching Summer (You can always put on more clothes when you're cold...it's hard to take off more skin when you're too hot) and it boosts me up before the eventual ass-kicking Winter.  Halloween and Thanksgiving are my favorite "standard" holidays, and they both happen to land in my season.  I can try to logically explain everything, but it's something I just feel.  I feel better during this time of the year (even when I get sick as a dog).  Anyway, I look at the work calendar for this month, and it's going to be really busy...but I like busy.  Time goes by faster, and that means less time here before I can be home with my woman.  I am going to be on the road tomorrow, and Monday starts a rash of evaluations before I have to start training up for an evaluation of my own at the end of the month.  It's all good, and soon I'll be back in the van working as a Tactical Director again.  It also looks like we're going to be moving soon, and I'll have more news about that as it's released.  But, it looks like we're going to be leaving this tiny little post and heading to the third largest Army base in South Korea.  When?  In the Fall...of course ;)  Take care my friends.

First of all, let me get this out there, because it's the funniest thing I heard all day:

"Yeah?  Why don't you punch me in the face as hard as you can.  Pour honey on me.  And then let me know when you really get angry."

Okay, that's it.  I almost spit my drink out as it caught me by surprise.  But, that's not the point today.  Today the Karma Bus stopped by and honked it horn outside my window.  Which is peculiar since I live on the second floor, but I digress.  Yes, it was an epiphany.  However, the fact that I had this epiphany while watching The Benchwarmers shouldn't take any bonus points away.  I hope.  Anyway, I believe that Karma will always take care of those that need to be taken care of.  If you've been an asshole, jackass, son of a bitch, bastard, fucker, bitch...you know, your normal run of the mill 'bad guy'.  And yes, when I say 'guy', I mean either gender, but either way, the Karma Bus has a date with you.  Time: Someday.  Place: Somewhere.  Impact: Destined.  It's how the universe keeps the playing field clear; especially with those very slick ones who pick on those who cannot or will not return fire.  I could go on an on with examples of this happening, but I don't have to.  It's one of those things you either believe, or you don't.  Well, until my epiphany today, I thought the Karma Bus was always going to come for you...kind of like the crazy one from the Harry Potter movies.  ::POP:: it appears in front of you and ::SPLAT:: game fucking over man, game over!  But, that doesn't have to happen at all.  No, we can recant our wayward ways and apologize to those we've wronged and most importantly, we can change for the better.  We should still be punished for what we've done, but that punishment has been mostly paid off with wrong deeds put right.  Look at all of the examples...like A Christmas Story for a fairly good one.  However, what I have discovered in my minuscule time on this spinning rock, is that those wrong doers rarely recant.  So, when the Karma Bus takes them out, they are left in a steaming heap in the middle of the street wondering why their shoes are twenty feet away and gee...how did their life become shit?  Anyway, that's where my mind wandered for awhile today.  So, if you're doing the right thing, keep on keeping on!  If you aren't, maybe it's time for a change.  I don't think anyone deserves the Karma Bus...unless they deserve it.  If you know what I mean.

In other news, I start my college classes tomorrow and we're back to work after our little Labor Day vacation.  I love life...it just keeps on happening!  Bright Blessings my friends.

I heard once that love is friendship on fire.  Isn't that the sweetest of truths?  To share with someone demands a certain level of trust.  So, I've decided to go one step further and not only share and be open, but to also be honest and leave it all on the field of play.  Oh, sure, originally after my last relationship I had made a personal vow to leave some things for just myself; to leave a trap door to allow myself to escape if things came down around my head.  I didn't have one of those before, because I didn't think I needed it...I trusted, and it cost me an enormous amount of mental and physical pain.  Seemed like a good plan based on what I had gone through, but, then I guess that plan went right out the window when I started my next relationship.  Sure, I could have held things back...and to be honest I did for the first few days, but would I be doing either of us justice?  No, of course I wouldn't.  So, I put it all out there again.  Me; unrefined, unfiltered, ungarnished.  I did not go into the relationship with any expectations except to see how compatible we were, I'm getting too old to play games after all, and if all else failed, I would have another friend out of the deal.  You see, unlike most men that I have ever known, I actually have good female friends with whom I haven't tried to get into their pants.  It probably has to do with the fact that I have always been the lone boy and later lone man in a group of women, so I can easily differentiate intimate love with friendly love, and it helps in a multitude of other ways too.  That's a blog for another day.  Anyway, one of my mantra's always gets me through the difficult times.  When it gets really bad I just remind myself that I've had sex before, and if things work out, I'll probably have sex again.  Yeah, that does seem kind of stupid or funny, but it really works.  It always takes the pressure off me, and I can be more myself.  Anyway, where was I?  Oh yeah, friendship.  So, friendship did indeed blossom; quickly, fully and very real.  In the process of becoming friends; telling horror stories of our past, funny stories from our childhood, bland stories of our day to day life, things began to change.  Subtly at first, but it didn't take long to realize that I had more in common with this woman than I could have hoped for.  I mean, I could probably write an entire blog on just that topic (and probably will some day) but this is not the time.  You see, because I had entered the, well...it had become a relationship quite quickly, with honesty and complete openness, it gave her the freedom to do the same.  I can tell you that it didn't take me long to fall in love.  Completely head over heels is the term that you've heard before, but that's what I did.  Part of me whispered a warning, telling me to watch it, I was heading down that blissful road in which semi-trucks aren't gentle.  But, I shrugged off that doubt and kept on going.  Why hamper future relationships with ones that have gone awry in the past?  It does beg the question, though, why go with openness after what I had been through?  I figured if she loved me, things would all work out in the end.  If she didn't, I would pick the pieces of my broken heart and soul from the scarred earth and retreat to my mental cavern to recover...so I could do it again someday.  I knew I wasn't going to pack it in forever.  I'm a man who needs someone else in their life.  I'm only half of a greater whole, and however long it took me to find her, I decided I was going to keep working on it.  However, none of that was necessary.  My friendship with her soon turned into a fire that warms my chest day and night.  You know that feeling in your chest?  It's kind of like your heart is too big for your chest, that it's swelling and it just needs to burst out.  That's how I feel all of the time now.  I want to stand on top of buildings and shout her name.  I want to write epic poems in her honor.  I want to be her stand-in whenever she feels pain.  I want to be there for her...forever.  Not just now, not just in this plane of existence with my current mortal shell, but the actual forever, the one that never ends.  I know I am only a foolish man in love, but the fact that I recognize that...and don't care is what really tells me that it's over.  What's over?  I'm done searching, I've found her.  And it all started with a phone call and seven thousand miles.  Everything since then has been better than anything before that.  I can only see things getting better.  I am going to talk about it more in my LJ now, but not all of the time.  I don't mind letting the world crawl around in my head; I am not ashamed of how I appear to be or anything like that.  However, I'm a pretty rare creature because of that fact.  Most are much more comfortable hiding out and keeping cards close.  I have nothing to hide.  So, when emotions just flow over the top, like they have tonight, I might write a few sentences.  Other than that, it may just be the normal update from day to day of my bland life.  Just remember, in the background, like the electric currents flowing through your walls and the pulses and emissions flying through the air unseen, my feelings are always there.  Always pulsing, always strong, and always on.  Wendy, you are my everything; without you I am simply a man.  With you, I can be anything.  Thank you, thank you for being my friend on fire...forever.